How to take on God and win

I think I’ve read quite a fair chunk of the Bible. I went to one of those primary schools where we were encouraged to commit scripture to memory. On every third or so page of our workbooks, we were met by a piece of scripture with bits missing for us to fill in, presumably to forever etch the passage into our memories. But that was long ago and I think I used invisible ink to do my etching. So for a while, actually since yesterday, I’ve been racking my brain to remember if there are any passages in the Bible that give any clues to the location of God’s Achilles heel. ‘Cause Homeyboy is, like, omnipotent. More on this now now.

Let’s talk technology first. Its advances have shortened the time it takes for us to communicate and expanded the audiences we reach. The distances between people is decreasing as a result, and we are now more than ever privy to each others personal thoughts. I don’t know about you but that I find exciting. It’s not only my inner voyeur that’s titillated. It’s also the part of me that firmly believes that the more we know about each other, the more we know about ourselves and the more tolerant we become of our differences. Like one big dysfunctional family.

Woolworths yesterday, no doubt, had a full taste of what it means to be part of dysfunctional family when it forgot about it’s country cousins (and I mean that non-pejoratively). Sara Britten gave the most balanced take on the whole thing and says, “Finally, and most importantly, is the point that none of this should ever have happened in the first place.” But it did. Woolworths took on God and lost, all of this despite the fact that they made what seemed a reasonable business decision. I think even the big Guy would have been chuffed that the decision could have ultimately trickled down to an increase in tithes. Bigger Woolies profits, bigger salaries and bonuses, and (I think I make a reasonablish leap here) increased tithes.

But no. PR mishaps aside (because seriously, they made no difference to the end result), as with all the others who took on God, Woolies got pwned. I took a pencil and scratched over the invisible ink and pulled out some legendary biblical cases of X and others v G-totha-od from the recesses of my mind. Mind you, the years have done nothing for the quality so excuse any lack of depth in the interpretation:

Adam and Eve v The Creator? Pwned. Eves of today still side eye their great (to infinity) grandmama and all of us today are aware of the shamefulness of our nakedness. Egypt v The Burning Bush. Pwned. The sinfully delightful S&D v G-o-d. Pwned. Johan v The Whale. Pwned. Walls of Jerico v The Trumpet. Pwned. Goliath v…well you get the picture.

The title of this post is then perhaps a misnomer. See I’ve been asking myself about His Achilles heel because the big Guy’s omnipotence is such that none who challenge him ever win, ever. Not that old time favourite grunge band Darwin and the evolutionists. Not those who oppose the Catholic church’s archaic views. Certainly not Woolies.

The title of this post is a misnomer not because I haven’t provided the said walkthrough on how to pwn Him. It’s a misnomer because it isn’t about God and Christianity. It’s about all things that makes us different from one another that have come to the fore as the distance between each of us shrinks to 140 characters. It’s about how we choose to respond to this new found closeness. Do we see that despite all the differences, when it comes down to it, each of us, as family members, are not that insufferable. That’s how you take on differences and win. Just say, “Meh, he’s my eccentric cousin.”

That’s all good and airy fairy, I hear you say, but what does this have to do with the case of Woolies v God? Nothing. Everything.

Anyway, I bet I’m gonna get smited for writing this post playing loose and fast with Homeboy’s name. I’m not a card carrying Christian, not any more, but I haven’t rejected the faith outright. I’ve just embraced others’ otherness in that pursuit of knowing more to tolerate more. So when I ask this, please take the question from where it comes. Where in the Constitution does it talk about the separation of church and shopping?

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2 thoughts on “How to take on God and win

  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by TO Molefe, Mvelase. Mvelase said: @TOMolefe on, "How To Take On God and Win" All I can think to say is, "Well…" with a raised eyebrow. […]

  2. Kanyi Nokwe says:

    hahahaha hahahahahaha “homeboy” as a christian myself all i can do is laugh. but your right the distance between us getting smaller and smaller..soon we’ll be seeing one another naked..and no its not evolution its nosey people man

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